Evan,Evan,Evan……

I always thought you were the best thing to happen to the Tampa Bay Rays.

You could actually play.

And are damn good at it,too.

And the fact that you are really hot looking,didn’t hurt,either.

We could’ve made sweet music together.You and I.

Oh yeah……

The fact that I’m almost old enough to be your grandmother doesn’t really matter,does it?

You,actually,replaced Rocco Baldelli,in my heart.

And that was a major accomplishment.He and I could’ve had something sweet going on,but I digress….

Then,you had to open your cutie-pie mouth and say this…..

What the Hell were you thinking?

Evan,sweetheart,some of us work for a living.

We don’t make a bazillion dollars a year.

To play a game.

Yeah,it’s hard work keeping in shape all year,but it is still a game.

Even though you do a damn good job keeping in shape,I gotta admit.

Some of us actually have real jobs.Like taking care of people sick people,or even dying people.Yep,Evan,that happens in the real world,sad to say.I really,really hate to be the one to break it to you,but,sweetie,people actually have really bad things happen to them.

Or,lovey-poo,some people actually build houses that everyday people live in.Or repair leaky roofs.Or fixing your broken air conditioning.Not that yours would ever dare break.You are Evan Longoria,after all.

You’re an All-Star!

And some of us have to be at work by 5 AM.In the morning! (I just wanted to clarify that for you.You being a jock and all.You know I hate to generalize,but I’m kinda thinking this might call for it.Sorry.).

Evan,my little pumpkin,it’s kinda,sorta hard for most of us to work all day,then drive an hour and a half through rush hour traffic to get to a stadium in south St.Petersburg(if you’ve ever been to south St.Pete you know what I’m talkin’ about),pay $20 to park,and probably close to $100 in food and beverages.That old money thing gets ya every time.Oh wait-if a person-now I’m not talking about you-makes a bazillion dollars a year you really don’t care about money,do you?

Evan,sweetie-pie,some people would rather put food on the table,than pay all that money to go to see a game.Some people,actually,sweat out paying their bills! Can you believe that?!

Evan,my little love-muffin,some people,actually,don’t even have a job!

They’ve been outta work for-can you believe this?-more than a year!

And they’re worried!

I know it’s hard to believe,but it really is that way,for some people.

So,when you get all whiney and bitchy,don’t be too surprised when some people just don’t understand you.

But I do.

I understand you soooo much,I saved up my hard-earned money to buy play-off tickets.At a $100 a pop,mind you.On the third base line.Right by you! (JonJ likes you,too).But then,I’m one of the lucky few,in the Tampa Bay area,to have a job.

So,if you see me-along with JonJ,Erich,the Younger,and Maggie sitting there(20 rows up),could you please say hi?

Don’t be embarrassed…..